bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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