Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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