Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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