I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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