so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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