just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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