it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
