seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
