can we get nightvision for the apartment?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
