If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize