All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
