He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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