thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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