Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
