I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
