He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
