last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
