Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
