First date: that requires underwear, huh?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
