Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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