You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
