You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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