The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
