speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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