I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
