And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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