hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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