there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
