i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
