One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
