Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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