Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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