Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize