I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
