On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
