You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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