I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
