We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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