Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
farters have to be the big spoon...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
