i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize