I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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