your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
