had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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