I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
