We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
