I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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