the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
