C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The best revenge is premature balding
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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