fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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