Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
