Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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