remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize