Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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