I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
