Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Boobs speak an international language.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize