the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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