Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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