I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
