I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Found the puke drawer
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize