All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
