what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
then he tried to convert me to islam
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize