i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
false alarm. still invincible.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
