i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
