this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
